The Disease That Is The Counterfactual Inculcation of The Youth (about the youth)

It’s truly ridiculous. And it seems to have gotten worse. Here’s the story behind this. I went for an Art session during the holiday. I happened to be the oldest one there. The next oldest were my cousin Amba and her friend/classmate, Mawusi. Class hadn’t started yet. So I took out my Kindle and continued to read Inkheart for the second time.

My  adorable yet hopelessly wrongly indoctrinated cousin, Amba.
My adorable yet hopelessly wrongly indoctrinated cousin, Amba.
Isn't she cute though?
Isn’t she cute though?

There noor, Amba goes crazy. Says—no, exclaims something along the lines of, “You’re reading?!” And I was like, “Yah, reading is life.” And then her whole facial expression turns skeptical and she asks me, “Are you even a teenager? Teenagers don’t read!” Note that this girl is like twelve. Which means that she herself will be a teenager soon, and obviously does not intend to read during those prime years.

But backtrack and hol’ up.

“Teenagers don’t read”? What a hellishly confusticating, confounding statement. What do you mean by teenagers don’t read? What a silly generalization. Is it supposed to mean that teenagers aren’t supposed to read? Or that majority of teenagers don’t read? Or that teenagers don’t LIKE to read? Or maybe all teenagers are illiterate?

Yes, the media is largely to blame for this kind of poisonous indoctrination of innocent children’s minds. BUT. I also blame the teenagers who don’t read. Simply because, how difficult is it to believe a generalized idea when the proof is so widely available? And yet, the widespread of this idea can be blamed on those bananas who think a fraction is a whole.

Since a fraction is not a whole, I am not allowed to take out my frustration on the 21st century kids alone. A few weeks ago, my grandfather told me he was going to clear out some of his agriculture textbooks (he was a soil scientist) from the house and donate them to some school or some university, so that my generation would “do something more useful than azonto.”

Question number one: “WHY in heaven’s name do so many adults think that every movement of the body of an adolescent to a beat is azonto? Is that the only dance that exists in the country? In the world?

Question number two: WHY should it be assumed that once you are young, you are stupid? Yes, we might not have lived as long as you or seen the things you have. But that is no cause to believe we are complete airheads.

Question three: How can you say something like that to the face of a member of the generation you are insulting? And laugh? I bore.

So yeah. The poison in the minds of the youth needs to die. Or else, who knows what they’ll grow up to be? For goodness’ sake, they think they’re SUPPOSED to lie around in bed all day and watch reruns of some silly series (let’s not go into the subject of my series-addiction phases), and complain about being bored. Hellfire! They think it’s like standard requirement for teendom or something.

Kill. The. Poison.

Also, for your information, Grandpa: I can’t azonto. So ha.

yours truly,

Vanna 🙂

 

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Because There Is Absolutely Nowhere to sit at the “Mall”

If you’ve been to the Accra Mall, you should know that it’s not a mall. At least, not the conventional idea of a building that is known as a mall. You can go right through it in 60 seconds if you walk fast enough. And if you walk slowly. I highly doubt you’ll reach even five.
Anyway, that is not the point I am stressing here. What frustrates me most about the “mall” is that there’s nowhere to sit! Oh yes, there are a few benches — two or so, I think — but aren’t they constantly occupied? And if you even want to sit in the food court, you have to buy something. And you can’t take your own food.
So. If you happen to be say,

  • Broke
  • Waiting for somebody
  • Not in the mood to stand or walk
  • Terrified of looking as aimless as most people at the mall do
  • Any combination of the above;

What on earth do you do?

Abi that’s what floors are for (apart from for being walked on and stuff)? If you chose to wear skirt, then sorry, it’s your own palava. But why not wear jeans and be free? And then when you get tired, find some corner to sit. It is NOT illegal. I’ve done it. I do it. Multiple times.

People should stop looking at me strangely, as if they don’t understand my plight. It’s simple logic: I’m tired; I sit down.

In fact, I think I should start some sort of revolution. But so far, the only people who have dared to do it with me are Ekow Gwira and Ari. Because they’re cool guys. No argument about it.

-Vana

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The Knot Prayer

This shall be on my bedroom wall.

My Kind of Happiness

Dear God,

Please untie the knots
That are in my mind,
My heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
The cannots and the do nots
Erase the will nots,
May nots,
Might nots that may find
A home in my heart.

Psalm 116:2

Release me from the could nots
Would nots and
Should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all,
Dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind,
My heart and my life all of the “am nots”
That I have allowed to hold me back,
Especially the thought
That I am not good enough.

Amen

Author Known to God

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Since I’ve been awake for 33 hours straight…

I can’t honestly say I have a legit reason for having been awake for like 33 hours now. and since I don’t, I will blame it on these:

  1. Sleep is overrated. People abuse it, think too much of it. Waste!
  2. Conventionally, one (a human) is not meant to stay awake throughout the night. And so I just did. Because I’m a nonconformist. 
  3. It takes away the time you could be using to actually DO stuff. If only I was like a Twilight vampire. The brilliant things I would achieve with my nighttime life!
  4. Life is too short to not attempt to damage your physical and mental health once in a while. But anyway this number of hours ain’t no thang. There are WAY worse people in this world. 

And now I know it’s the 13th hour of the day, but…goodnight. 

Your Insomniatic Iconoclast,

Ivana.

THE JUVENILE COMMUNITY!

Hey! Hi! Sup? Juvenile.

Who’s new in town? The Juveniles.

Join it. Love it. Go be Juvenile.

And once you’re in, stay Juvenile. 

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If you’ve been tracking my action on my social networks, you will realise I’ve been all about The Juvenile Community these days.

Well guess what? Launch date is TOMORROW. And man, you won’t BELIEVE what a hectic day it’s been. Like. Totally ridiculously hilariously hectic. But anyway. Main point is: TOMORROW. AUGUST 7TH. TJC.

A lot of people are unclear about what all this is about. (Jeez. Tautology?) Well let me tell you. FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION. That’s what. And because we’re so dang free, there are hardly any rules! Apart from a few like be as expressive as you can without stupid unnecessary profanity…and obviously, it’s for the YOUTH ONLY. It’s a project started by the youth, for the youth. Ain’t no business about them adults tellin’ us what we can and can’t say.

Who are we? Crazy, psychotic teenagers who will probably steal your car.

Disclaimer: TJC does not endorse the stealing of any motor vehicles by teenagers. Unless it’s bugatti.

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If you’ve ever been looking for a place to express yourself, we are proud to offer ourselves as an avenue. Whether you’re a:

  • fiction writer
  • opinionated person (or even one who just loves to rant. Unleash the flood within.)
  • poet
  • artist
  • photographer
  • musician
  • movie critic
  • music critic
  • specialist in extreme nonfa (or even mild nonfa, we don’t care!)
  • like asking or answering awkward questions
  • are a plain boring person
  • are an amazingly interesting person
  • a videogame addict
  • A die-hard fan of The Vampire Diaries/The Secret Circle/How I Met Your Mother/Once Upon A Time/ Nikita/ Big Bang Theory/ (you can continue to list ’em yourself now…)
  • By now I’m sure you can fill in so many other categories of teenagers on your own…

Hayy, ain’t no thang, bruh. You’re invited! Got something to say? Got something to show? Send it to thejuvenilecommunity@gmail.com whenever! Or you can inquire about it at that email too. And if you don’t like email (how can you not like email, though?!) contact us on Twitter @TJCBlog or me personally @_Akotowaa or Senior Editor Kiiki Quarm @KSquaredICube and yeah, there’s Owiredua, our other administrator but she’s deleted her Twitter now so oh well. =( Still, you can email her at anoakrofi@gmail.com.

One thing I want to stress, because things tend to get this way a lot, where I come from: IT’S NOT JUST AN SOS THING! (Although nobody here is condemning SOS students oo! A few are also part, and more are invited. It’s just that because Oray and I are administrators, people will tend to think the team is made up of only SOS people.) Please. It’s not like that. It don’t matter where you come from! Jooooin ussss.

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We’ve got a lot of brilliance ready to showcase tomorrow!

Featuring…. *drumroll*

  • Yours Truly! Your one and only beloved nonconformist! Ivana Akoto Ofori!
  • Rantings and musings from Akosua Nana Owiredua Akrofi
  • The artistry of Kukua Kuki Hadassah Boohene!
  • Whatever Kiiki does (don’t get me wrong, she’s amazing. The mastermind behind the whole thing)
  • The complete literary power of our strong-minded, omnipotent, highly uncontrollable Jennifer Kitcher-Pentey!
  • The most amusing questions and answers you have seen in your entire life by Aidan Hardcastle (AKA Thomas)
  • The genius of our beloved Michael Ahomka-Lindsay
  • The unbearable sexiness of Ekow Sackey and Bassam Baitie.
  • The wisdom of Mark-Rodney Assan
  • The legendary obsessiveness of Akosua Ntriwa Owusu
  • The STUNNING DEPTH of the work of Nana Adwoa Tekyiwa Etrue Teboniyo Agyemang
  • As for Zulfiquer Gbedemah…he cannot be classified

And MANY MORE!

So like. Yeah. Tomorrow. TJC. Make sure you check out thejuvenilecommunity.com (yeah dazz right. We’re a DOT COM) tomorrow afternoon. I repeat: AFTERNOON. Don’t let the look of the site today throw you off. Please.

Share it. Hype it. Hashtag it.

Be Juvenile.

*takes bow*

Yours Truly,

Ivana.

TJC