Why Technology Hates Me (and other nonfa explanations)

My Technology Hates Me

Over the past 3 weeks, it seems like technology has actively been rebelling against me. I don’t know what I’ve done.

My laptop took me through a time travel, INSISTINIG that I was in 1st January of 2012. No matter how much I tried to reset it, it reverted itself back to 2012. And the time was an hour off. In addition to that, Safari decided that every ten minutes, it would acknowledge that it was connected to wifi. When those ten minutes were up, it would go back to its foolish ways and try to convince me that there was no internet service. Meanwhile, on that same device, I was getting Twitter notifications. Then Safari also decided that there was not a single website on the internet with a trusted certificate. NOT. EVEN. GOOGLE. So every page refused to open.

I said fine. I was going off to camp in Ashesi for two weeks anyway. I prayed that upon my return, it would have recovered.

When I got onto the bus that was to take me from the Accra Mall to the university campus, my phone got up and decided that my SD card was faulty, and the only thing I could do to it was format it. I was like “Nah, G. You think I want to lose all my pictures and music? Wo boa kraa.” I ignored the message until it went away.

Sometime during that week, I realised the SD card still wasn’t being read. I took it out and replaced it, restarting the phone in the process. Still, the SD card refused to be read. Half my apps – the ones which were installed on the card – had gone. Then the phone froze.

I restarted it again, only to discover that the home button wasn’t working. May the tech gods forgive me, but I slammed the blasted phone on the table. Then, in retaliation, it reverted itself to factory settings – but only halfway. For example, my lock screen changed, but my home screen remained the same. My notification sounds went to default, but my installed launcher remained. I didn’t like this juju, but at least the phone was now working, albeit without an SD CARD.

Let’s fast forward to the second week of AIX (Ashesi Innovation Experience), when the robotics program commenced. Assembling the LEGO robot was fine. For the first few days, we were all good – until it came to a time when we had to use light and colour sensors. But the sensors, after a day, refused to properly function. Much improvisation was needed. For integrity’s sake, I won’t go into detail about it. But I would like to know why the robot decided to create its own program.

The computer we (we being my group) was using, froze multiple times. The final time it froze, it deleted our program, created 65000 files (which were all supposed to have been safely residing in the recycle bin) on the desktop, and demanded to be restarted and updated.

It kept this up for about an hour. And this was the night before the morning of the Final Challenge. I was legit screaming to the sky as I lay on my back on the floor. But magic coding happened and we managed not to flop as atrociously as we expected to.

The whole point of all of this is: technology hates me. And I have a theory as to why.

Simeon (also known as The NonFaLogist) is convinced that my own brain has something to do with technology always acting up around me. Like there’s some sort of interference. I don’t disagree. I usually manage to explain strange things about myself using imagination and fiction. So, this is why tech hates me:

If you are familiar with Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson and the Olympians book series, you will know that demigods and technology do not go well together. Magic and human science are not best friends, you see. Now, I claim to be the daughter of Athena, goddess of wisdom. So my logic is that the devices simply cannot handle the magnitude of my brain power, so the crash.


How my imagination explains my appearance

I’m not short. Maybe by human standards, I am, but in my family, I can be considered quite tall. You see, we come from a long line of royal pixies, the tallest of which are about two feet. Interbreeding happened, as it tends to do, but there’s no need to go into detail about it. The pixie blood is now so diluted with the human blood that hardly any of it remains. However, the genes that account for lack of height prevail in us.

My mother is the Greek goddess, Athena. I’m a demigod. Please don’t bother asking me why I’m black; my skin takes over from my father. I can’t very well be expected to look like a goddess, can I? What would people think of a girl with golden blood? Athena, as we know, is a virgin goddess, which explains why I came out of her forehead. She has a pretty large one, if I do say so myself. That is, after all, to be expected, as a goddess of wisdom would need a pretty large brain to store all of it in. When Athena meets a human whose intelligence attracts her, they form a child as a product of wisdom. If you still don’t understand, contact Richard Russell Riordan Anyway, it was this characteristic that I inherited from her: my large forehead.

-Akotowaa =)

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