Her: Oh my God, he’s cute. Especially when he smiles. And his hugs are magic. He’s cuddly, but, like, hugging a muscly, well-toned panda bear.

I wonder if he likes me as much as I like him. Oh my goodness. What if I’m not good enough? What if he gets bored of me? Maybe I should be more fun…giggle at his jokes more often. Perhaps I should be friskier. Grind more sexually when we dance.

Yeah. I should do that. I mean, I don’t want to lose him, do I? Nah, I enjoy his company too much – far too much. He makes me laugh at the most random of times. Even when he does not-so-smart things, it’s cute, because, well, he’s cute.

That’s not to say that he’s not smart, though. He’s so intelligent. He, like, gets some of the top grades. I wouldn’t want to be with anything less, anyway.

But I mean…he’s sweet. He’s adorable. So I don’t, like, mean I won’t love him anymore if he stopped getting good grades.

Oh my God, it’s a text from him! It just flashed on my phone: “Hey, babe.”

OMG, he called me babe! He thinks I’m his babe! Time to start changing my name to Mrs…

Him: Yeah, she’s alright. I mean, she’s cute. She’s also got a rockiin’ body, which is always a plus. Man, you should feel her out on the dance floor. It’s like you never want to be with any other girl.

Of course, I like a girl who can get down, sensual and sexual. It makes things much easier when you don’t even have to ask. But, you know, you can’t go for the kind of girl who’s too easy either. She can’t be going around getting down with all your boys. She has to want only you. And to some extent, she has to be an angel.

What I mean is, she has to be innocent, at least on the outside, like my girl. But, like, not too innocent that she doesn’t ever want to do anything. Like my girl, even when she does sexual stuff, it’s still kind of cute and innocent, not like dirty and slutty.

She seems to like me a lot, and I like that she likes me. She’s like a little squirrel, always happy, always laughing and always so, so cute. I don’t mind having her around, but a lot of the time, the boys tell me that she’s clingy. I mean too clingy.

Is she really? Well I guess I spend a lot of time around her. But I thought the boys would understand. At least, the guys who also have girlfriends. But I suppose it’s not fair, because some of the boys don’t. I suppose they feel left out. And, I mean, you also have to make some time for the guys…right?

But I’m still kind of surprised that they keep telling me to make her go away. Is our relationship annoying to them? I’d never thought about it that way, actually. Maybe we are annoying to them. I’d rather not be annoying. Otherwise, they might stop seeing me as one of them. Whoa. Then where will I be?

Wow. I suppose I can get her to leave me alone for a while. I mean, she’s fun to have around, but not at the expense of my place with the guys. But, like, I can’t break up with her either. In actuality, I have an advantage if I have a girlfriend. They respect that. It means that whenever there are opportunities, you always have that one assured person that you can do stuff with.

So, I made a decision. I picked up my phone, sent a text: “Hey, babe.” Then I followed it up with, “I know you’ll understand why I think we should cut down on the time we spend together in public.”

She’d understand, wouldn’t she?


9 thoughts on “Disparities

  1. Reblogged this on Life, The Monologue and commented:
    In fifteen years of my existence, this was me and (insert either one of two certain boys here).
    In the last two years of my existence, that has made me the far-from-hopeless-romantic I have become.

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