The Mad Diaries IV: Lukewarm

This post is part of a 9-part guest blog series whose author wants to be known as J.J. Moore. I hope you enjoy it. :)

How do you want someone without wanting them? How do you make a sad dog out of a willing lover? What makes you disinclined to tell people that they are not enough for you? Are you ashamed of the greed of your own whimsical wants? People who are dying, people who are being killed slowly, would probably like to know that they won’t be here much longer. I think. I think I’d like to know.

Look me in the eye when you mess me up. When you uproot my life and turn it over on its head, give me notice to at least stand well. I may not survive but at least I took it standing. It is not the hurting that kills nor the killing that hurts, it is the method of silence it is executed with. Show me some respect while you are killing me and look me in the eye. Show me some respect, or disrespect, whatever you want but just show me something. I don’t think I could ever understand but with what you show I would be able to convince myself that at least I had something to hold on to in the end.

We cannot really make sense of rejection. Why are we never good enough? Why are we not chosen? Why are we not qualified? Why are we at the mercy of the dispenser of sympathy? Rejection is a cold steel through the beating heart that was never ready to die.

-J. J. Moore

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