This post is part of a 9-part guest blog series whose author wants to be known as J.J. Moore. I hope you enjoy it. :)
How do you cry for help without coming off as an attention seeker? I mean, when you cry for help you are basically screaming for attention but at the same time you really don’t want attention.
It’s not what makes them mothers, it’s not a definitive quality of motherhood, but mothers do this well. Tonight I am mothering all my affliction and the attention it gets me. I hate the attention and how it makes me look needy but perhaps the truth is I actually need it. Maybe. I don’t know. All I know is while attempting to navigate assorted slices of my personal hell, drops of kindness sent from those that reach out show me that love, even if only a fraction, is awake somewhere in somebody who is willing to give it, even if for a limited time.
I am used to being the help and now I am tired of crying for help. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what to do with genuine parcels of love either. Especially since they are rarely enough to douse the fire that consumes me. I need help and yet I don’t know how to want it.
-J. J. Moore