The Mad Diaries IX: Love

This post is part of a 9-part guest blog series whose author wants to be known as J.J. Moore. I hope you enjoy it. :)

I built love as a castle on sand and wailed when its walls came crumbling, crushing my lungs till the only thing that was important was the need to breathe. It was then I realised that I could live without you, my love. What I cannot live without is the living breath, the very spirit of life. 

Is not Love a person? So why do I reduce him to a feeling I have when I have an itch for self-gratification, when I feel the need to worship on the altar of selfishness? Why do I spill the blood of cursed things on holy altars and then throw childlike tantrums for feeling rejected? Is not it a trait of arrogance to claim to be unloved and unwanted when whole hordes of demons have been rebuked for my sake so I may have humble knees that bow and a praising tongue that confesses the aliveness and glory of Love? 

Why do I poison rivers of living water and wonder why my belly is empty and aching with intense hunger? I have filled myself with elephants of shadows and writhed in pain of salvation because I was nothing but hollow in the absence of Love. 

Love gives and worries not about being taken from, because it never expected receipts in the first place. Love works in the silence of selflessness, to be warmth to the heart wrapped in cold nights. So if I know not this then do I know love? 

Love was never about me and you my darling, it has always been about finding fullness and fulfilment in Him who is love and life that we may know what it means to be alive and wanted. Anything outside the original plan of a creator always dwells in the chaos of misdirected effort. What a chore it would be if we tried to man a boat upon highways designed for cars! We would row and row and row and wonder why all that effort is yielding no progress. In our pride we would curse God and doubt His existence for making us suffer such a cruel fate. And yet all this while it was we who in our ignorant arrogance sought to make ways where there seemed to be no way; we sought to play God and wondered why all the chaos sought to consume us.

To be God is to be shield, to attract and yet repel arrows that would destroy the sheep. Why do we cry now that as sheep playing God we are consumed by all the arrows we attract but are unable to repel?

I am not unwanted. I am not unloved. The focus was never supposed to be on you, on us. It has always been designed and reserved for the Father of Lights; He who is love. 

So now I know that I love you, not because you want me or because I want you, but because I am a river overflowing with abundance, designed to give and not worry about running dry.

Love, if you truly find Him, conquers all – all self-loathing, all self-doubt, all selfishness, all lust, all greed, all blindness and all deafness. Love is a healer and a restorer. Love is pure and true and unafraid. Love is Holy. Love is meaningful if it is truly found.

-J. J. Moore