Rationality and Irrationality I suspect that wanting to live—wanting anything at all, just wanting—is a human default. It does (or should) come as normally as breathing. According to this line of reasoning, a mentally healthy human being shouldn’t need a reason to want to live. There’s a reason why survival instinct is called what it… Continue reading Notes on My Non-Linear Healing Process
At six years old, I wrote my first end-of-term examination of primary school, in Class 1. I emerged with the overall first position in my class. The same happened the term after that and the term after that. Then throughout Class 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Form 1, and two out of three semesters of… Continue reading Terror + Taking A Semester Off
Warning: This essay includes highly problematic and partially-irrational thinking. The author is aware of this. It is, in fact, the point of this essay having been written. As such, there is no need to point it out to her. I am still a dependent. There are many things my family cannot afford, but there are… Continue reading On Suffering.
It is approximately the middle of May 2018 and probably Wednesday or something. I wish I could be sure, but all the days have melded together lately, and I have no desire to pick up my phone to check; that machine gives me more anxiety than I can tolerate lately. I have awoken shrouded in… Continue reading Underground: A Memoir from May 2018
I am not the same person all the time. Both of us are mad, but only one of us is ungovernable. One version of me looks on at the other; the latter can't stop crying. Her thoughts are singularly focused on her tool of choice, which is only a few feet away. She wants to… Continue reading The Pen May Not Always Win Over the Knife
Content/trigger warnings for mental health and some of its associated demons. Not very explicit, so feel free to continue reading if you're not extremely sensitive. Part I It is dangerous and destabilizing to be deprived of something or someone identifiable to blame. This is the kind of problem that gives birth to itself, and one… Continue reading I Am Not the Problem
It’s been a long time since I wrote about me, in an attempt to explain, reveal, or understand myself, my thoughts and my behavior. But the introspection disease has hit again. I can’t tell whether I am writing these explanations in order to understand myself, or so that others will understand me. I don’t know… Continue reading My Relationship With Solitude: Stockholm Solomania