Dark Heart & Mind #4

Dark Heart & Mind [Files from between August-December 2015]: Releasing the hatred and depression of the last year, raw and beautiful. Don’t you dare tell me to edit or delete. Stifle me any more than I’ve stifled myself, and I’ll pronounce curses on you with my Ewe side.

I speak shamelessly,

without pleading for pardon:

I do not want to be like you.

When you live in satisfied discomfort

with the ill-fitting shoes

you walk so proudly in,

how should you desire that I may desire to one day fill them?

My pain. Your pride.

The pain comes from

the insistence that we are the same.

When I desire so strongly for that to be false.

The pride comes from

eagerly displaying the hardships

you seem to want me to want.

If your life is the future that awaits me,

then by all rights, I am not wrong

in feeling like I have prematurely failed.

And yet, in denial of disparity,

The only hope I can yet identify

is that God’s love will prevail

As it would seem that mine

will never be competent enough to resolve a misunderstanding

that seems likely to continue until one person permanently leaves this earth.