[Author’s note: I suspect people are going to try to kill me if I don’t make it clear that this post is written from the POV of a fictional persona. (Whispers on the side “But isn’t fiction really the best way to hide behind the revelation of what the author himself thinks?” *evil laugh*)
To be honest, I’ve taken a lot of interest in villains lately. I mean, I was raised on Disney fairytales, so the hero-vs-villain story is the one most common to me. However, I never took particular interest in the part of the villain, at least until two or three years ago, when I watched Megamind and began to watch Once Upon A Time. Before, my only thought was “Alright, so the hero has to win, the villain has to lose. That’s what poetic justice is all about.” Right now…I believe the story of the villain is actually far more interesting – because it takes interesting backstories to the really bad guys to get to where they reached. I think Swampy Marsh and Dan Povenmire had this idea right when they created Phineas and Ferb’s antagonist, Doofenshmirtz. OUAT’s character Queen Regina is my favourite character because her story is SO complex and incredibly interesting. She is the most layered and dynamic character on the series, in my opinion.
Of course, on the side, I’m also part. The past three years have been rough on me and I’ve felt that I identified more with villains than with heroes…so I thought…why not begin to explore and reveal the psyche of the villain? The hero’s story is already known. And so I began to write to understand the “evil people”. For me it hasn’t been hard. Today, I’m sharing one of many. When I become a novelist, you’ll see more complex distins, trust me.]
Most people don’t have the courage to visit their darkest emotions. I am not one of them. I lust, yes, I do. But not for your body; I lust for the immense pleasure of knowing the monsters that prey on your mind. I practice not the sins that everybody knows and recognises, but the darker ones that you know you are sane, but probably evil, for talking about.
I fully acknowledge (to myself) right now, that your pain gives me pleasure. I have known this for a long while. I am all the more dangerous because I am not the one who inflicts it on you, but I sit back and enjoy from a distance – and yet, for this reason, I am not dangerous at all. I do not know if that truly makes me a sadist.
You are offended and confused. After all, why would anybody delight in the suffering of a person so pure? Allow me to explain: you see, I am flawed. I have my own inner demons to fight with. Every day. They do not leave me alone; and the way things are going, I fear and believe they will remain residing in me forever. I have tried and failed to cast them out. That is why now, when I am not tormented by the thoughts of my own little monsters, I am taking delight in your own – purely because it is nice to know that you have some.
There is nothing more frustrating than knowing a perfect person on a first-name basis; an overachiever that everybody recognises. It is the most insignificant I ever feel when the two of us are in the same room. What hand should have dealt out prosperity to one and inadequacy to the other, in the same microcosmic universe? It is simply unfair. The thought, when allowed to wallow, goes deep, and begins to rot my core; and that is when and why I feed on your demons – because they prove to me that perhaps you have the capacity to sink as low as I have. It proves to me that you, the Success, can also be a Failure. Your demons remind me that no-one is truly perfect. And the less perfect you are, the more comfortable I am with myself. It shouldn’t make any sense, but what wise man was ever able to use his rationale to win a battle against the folly of his deceitful heart?
The thoughts are evil, and yet inextinguishable. Am I a downright hypocrite? For when you cry in your battles, I am there to wrap my arm around your shoulders – because trust me, who better to understand your pain than one who truly feels it? Such a man is the only kind who can offer you true empathy. And yet inside, I am smiling, because I have seen that even Superman can fall.
It is an evil full of so much pleasure that I cannot – or perhaps do not want to – convince myself to turn away. I am a villain bred, not born, and my wretched soul finds comfort in your perfect pain.
A Budding Villain